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Stumbling, Part Two: A Meditation, The Beings, and our Stories

About 10 years ago, in the early stages of my life “post-hit-on-the-head”, there seemed to be an extraordinary flood of insight and messages coming to various people, professional intuitives and “channelers” and “ordinary” folk alike, about great changes coming to the world, things like “the Ascension” where humankind would go through some kind of evolutionary rebirthing into a more spiritual or enlightened phase. We would move from the “dense energies” of the third dimension into the higher vibration of the fourth dimension.
That’s about all I know of this idea, I am not sure where it comes from or even if I have the right notion about it. Obviously there have been Ascension ideas around the biblical Ascension of Jesus Christ into heaven. Maybe there are others associated with the Mayan calendar or ancient Egyptian stories. I guess this is the more new age/non-religious version of the same idea, but that it is available to all who are willing to work towards that more high-vibration state of being.  I am not pooh-poohing it, I just have no personal knowledge of what it’s all about or who started the idea, and it would seem it is something that many different spiritual channelers write about.

Some talk about it being connected to returning “home” to other planets with the extraterrestrials, others refer to angels and/or the ascended people developing angel wings as they shift into a higher state of consciousness.  I read a long list of “ascension symptoms” the other day on someone’s blog and pretty much all of them sounded like the stuff I am experiencing lately…and here I just thought it was menopause…seriously! (No angel wings appearing so far!)

But as I say, I am not pooh-poohing it because, well, it could happen, although I don’t like theories that leave people behind only because they didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to raise their vibration.  And I expect for the masses of people in the world right now suffering armed conflict, persecution, poverty, and environmental devastation, not to mention abuse even within their own families, the concept of “keeping your vibration high” would sound ridiculous and insulting. I think a lot of this ascension stuff is for people who are in westernized, developed, reasonably-educated countries, who are not so totally overwhelmed with basic survival needs that they are barely treading water.

I am not sure what it all means really. I like the notion that we might become more evolved in some way so we could stop the cruelty in the world. If it means looking for some kind of saviour to rescue us however, alien or otherwise, I’m not so keen.

As much as I have been a skeptic in my life prior to my meeting Otter (my power animal) during a journey, and receiving his helpful wit and wisdom, I dare say I have had the odd experience of my own which I call channeling, for lack of knowing really what else to call it. Some would say dreaming or hallucinating or simply imagining. Come to think of it, I am not sure even what imagination is.


There are times now (since the event I am about to recount) when I just sit with a journal and ask “the Beings” my questions, and sometimes I get something that seems like an answer, and sometimes I don’t. When it comes it seems to flow (some call the process automatic writing), and feels like I am not “thinking” it up. It’s coming through me not from me. Many authors and songwriters talk about this kind of flow, like their work is not being written by them but through them. Maybe it is all the same. I have never had a message about an Ascension, but I have never asked, and I don’t actually do this kind of asking very often.

Back in 2007 there was an event that we’d heard about that was inviting people to meditate at a certain time on a certain day and to send loving thoughts to the world, with the intention that this would be a mass meditation of millions of people worldwide creating a wonderful healing energy for the planet. We don’t know how many folks actually participated but we thought “that sounds like a nice idea”, and invited some friends to join us.

Only two friends showed up, so the four of us (including my hubby) sat outside on the beautiful summer morning, closed our eyes, and imagined sending only loving thoughts out to the world.

As soon as I settled in with my eyes closed, and began focusing on sending love, this happened. Imaginings, dreams, delusions, or real messages from….something? someone? I don’t know. All I can tell you is the following is part of what I wrote in my journal immediately after we ended the meditation. It’s my personal experience, make of it what you will. I think the message is pretty good. (I am adding a few comments in brackets that I am making as I write this for clarity’s sake.) This writing is how it flowed, basically unedited.

A conversation began in my head, the “Beings” I guess — just like a journey, just a dialogue — I said, Are you the Beings, or “Light Beings”? The “Emissaries of the Third Ray” as Sonia Choquette (a well-known intuitive and author) calls the ones she speaks to?

“They” said “Yes, but we are whatever you call us. There is no hierarchy — We are your Higher Self, we are your Otter, your power animal, although that is indicative of some personal characteristics you possess, your human nature, but it is all the same voice.”

As I write it becomes a summary or rewording of what “They” said, but the meaning becomes clearer.

“There is Source, from whence we came, to which we return, the Creator, a Universal Energy, that is us, that connects us, that powers us. It is the electricity, the spark, the life force, the Love — pure, essential, unconditional Love.

The “Beings”, our Higher Self, power animal, spirit guides, angels, are all forms or conceptualizations of our Higher Self or Light Beings. They/It are the voices of experience, the Ancestors, those who have come before and who have experience to guide us in our incarnation. They are our conduit or connector with Source, our translator to help us use or reconnect with Source Energy.

There is no hierarchy — names do not matter. Just like near death experiences they vary according to one’s own set of beliefs, one’s history, one’s literary imaginings. So if you think that Light Beings are like extraterrestrials or interplanetary entities, sure, we can be the Emissaries of the Third Ray, or we can be from the planet Zorgon. It doesn’t matter.

We can be tall and thin and white and glowing, or winged angels or fairies. We are all just a means, a phrasing, a framing, for you to connect with your Higher Self —your connection with Source — the intermediary between the earthly you and your divine origin or Creator.

If you still haven’t accepted ownership of your divine nature or trust in your own intuitive voice/Higher Self, you may be more comfortable having a third party give you advice — something majestic, glowing, pure, white-robed, Godly, extraterrestrial —you’ll trust anything before (you’ll trust) your own divine and miraculous self.

In your DNA and in your energy body is imprinted all the history, all the ancestral experience on earth to date — you have only to access it — and if calling on “external” guides rather than your own Higher Self is more comfortable or more “trustworthy” to you in your current state of still not accepting your holiness, then that is what you may do — until such time as it becomes clear that the messages are all from within from the beginning.

The essential journey here is finding your way back to remembering who you really are, while having experiences on earth with all its “apparent” limitations.

In order to find the way there are two essential hurdles:    

First, give up your history, or at least, your “attachment” to your story, your history, which involves the labels, I am a survivor, or I am privileged, or I was poor, or disabled, or was abused, or was too ugly, or too pretty, too rich or addicted, as while they are your experience, they are not you, and while they define partly where you are now, they are not who you are. (Not necessarily my personal labels/story noted here, just examples of our stories).

But as long as we hold them, the stories, as defining us, as our “identity”, then we are blocking our acceptance of our true identities as being of divine origin. Who can believe in themselves as a child of God, a divine creation, and the equal brother and sister of all other beings, as long as we hold to those stories and our identification with them? They limit us. Let go.

Likewise as many have also been saying, “relinquish your need for the approval of others”.  As long as you hold to their approval then you are living the story or history that others believe is you, or ought to be you — or is their history and therefore yours. By seeking approval you are seeking to live someone else’s story, and that gets you even further from knowing your own Divine Nature. You can never measure up to someone else’s story, and so you will always feel you are failing — and as long as you feel you are failing then you take yourself further from the knowledge of your own original greatness, goodness, divinity.

Regarding Mary & Edward — you were put together because you are at a similar stage in your evolution to finding your true selves, and as each others’  “earth angels” as you like to call each other, you are serving as mirror-holders, reflecting back your divinity and beauty to each other because so far you have been unable to see it within yourselves unaided. This will cease to be a crutch and your relationship will flourish once you know and accept your own greatness and not rely on your partner to continue to mirror this to you. Then you will be free to have a mature spiritual relationship.

(There were a few other things said here that are a little too personal for me to share, but were very helpful.)

(While I was writing some of this message in the journal that day about our relationship and the kind of work Edward and I would be doing, I recorded that a hawk flew over and screeched, which I took as a spirit messenger, it seemed so apropos, adding significance since in first nations traditions Hawk is known as a messenger.)

The last thing that was said in this stream was (when I had asked about some other people close to me),

Unconditional love is what they need — we all do — being stuck in a history that was full of conditions and full of needing others’ approval, leaves no room for unconditional love and acceptance. It starts with the self — one cannot unconditionally love others until one has found it in oneself.’
And that was the end of the message. I was surprised and delighted and a little bit stunned. Some folks will think I’m nuts or making it all up. Chances are we make everything up anyway. But I guess I needed to hear this.

Four months later to the day was my next entry in my journal. The night before writing, we had hosted a drumming and journey circle. In my journey I met with Otter. I had asked a question about how I could help some friends who were going through a rough time in their business and relationship, and Otter just told me to send them love, to let them know I cared and if they needed my help to feel free to ask. Simple.

So then for lack of a more pressing question, I asked, “What else do I need to know?”

Otter said, “To approach everyone with an open heart and compassion.”  “Yes,” I said.

He continued, “And to let go of your attachment to outcomes for yourself or for anyone else, for example, your attachment to having anyone else respond the way you’d like, or anything to turn out the way you’d like.”

Me: “Hmm — yes — you’re sounding like a regular Wayne Dyer in his ‘Ten Secrets To Success And Inner Peace’!”

Otter: “Right, and also, let go of your ‘story’.”

Me: “Yes well I actually think I’ve been pretty good at letting go of my story — I am reinventing myself daily and it’s really changing.”

Otter: “Yes you’re right, you have done pretty well letting go of your story, but there’s something else you must do — you must let go of your story about other people.That is, whether your story of others comes from your observations of them, your projections onto them, or what they have stated as their story, you must nevertheless let go of your story of them because it doesn’t help them progress. It reinforces their story whether it is the story they subscribe to or the one you project on them, and all stories are limiting. If they choose to remain bound by their story that’s their issue, their path to sort out, not yours.

Me: “So what do I do?”

Otter: “Go back to step 1 & 2: Approach everyone with an open heart and compassion.”

Me: “That’s it?”

Otter: “That’s it.”

I hadn’t planned to write today about anything beyond the event in July ’07, but when I saw that next entry in my journal months later talking about the stories we hold onto, this time about others as opposed to ourselves, I thought it relevant to add.

When I am conscious and not distracted, I seem to make great strides in creating a happy and energized life. But then life gets busy, my focus gets shifted, I get preoccupied with some issue, I fail to meditate or journey, and the journals stay on the shelf, unopened. And I forget. I forget all the messages I have already received. I fall into my story (probably a couple of stories), the ones that limit me and sometimes make me downright miserable.

I forget that all this wisdom, as simple as it is profound, is available to me. It came through me, perhaps from me, from my Higher Self, sometimes in the form of Otter, sometimes in the voice of The Beings. Their voices sound a little different, but in our inability to trust our own divine nature as “they” said, I need to hear from someone or some thing “outside” myself, and sometimes one voice serves me more than the other.

Sometimes I realize I need to journey again. Other times I realize I have already been told, over and over, the essential truths I need to know. My left brain has been so conditioned to look for “proof”, facts, consistency, in order to know it is trustworthy, that I need the proverbial 2X4 to the head to get it.

But when I do these kinds of journeys and the information just flows, like I’ve turned on a tap straight from the Source, I just know. I know.
(Note: Sharing one’s journey of this nature is usually only done in the safety of a sacred circle or space convened for that purpose. Feel free to comment if this has helped you in any way, but I ask that in the spirit of sharing journeys that you don’t attempt to analyze or reinterpret my experience. It is my experience. While others may gain insight, a message, or resonance for their own lives, which is the benefit of sharing, it is not appropriate to deny or challenge or analyze what I experienced, or what others may respectfully share in the comments. It does not have to be your truth, you need to find your own. Thank you for respecting this space.)

4 Comments Post a comment
  1. Shawn #

    Thank you for sharing your experience(s), Mary. Beautifully written, as always. Your words really resonate within me, and help me to feel more connected to my true “self”. Blessings…

    May 9, 2016
  2. Thanks Shawn, I really appreciate your comment. I’m so glad it was helpful.

    May 9, 2016
  3. Mari Winslow #

    Love this. ❤

    May 9, 2016

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